I've started my Project now at uni. This is the final piece of work I need to complete to gain my M.Sc in Computing. The good news is that I like both my Client,Alan and my Supervisor,Steve. They are both very intelligent men, who know their subject-fields. Both are friendly and helpful.
The downside, and it is a big one, is that because I am doing my Project as a part-time student, not full-time, the schedule for hand-ins is different. The full-time students started in May - and hand-in at the end of August. If successful - and most will be - they will graduate in September.
But part-time students start later - June,and have the whole year - till next june - to work on the project. Which is fine if you have a job - I don't. Instead of graduating in September - like I hsd been hoping for - my graduation will probably be in June. There is a chance that if I work really hard that I an complete my project in September with the full-time students. I'll have a bash at it, bit I don't think it's very realisitic with difficult software.
Sigh. Big Sigh. Spent last evening phoning friends and family - having a good wail. Graduation day gets further and further away. And still no job. Had an interview a fortnight ago - but didn't get it.
Phoned Riverside College this morning - asking for advice on entry to their teacher training course - made plain I wanted to work there. The chap, Keith Goodwin, a course adviser, was very helpful. He's going to ring me back.
I feel like I've been banging my head against a wall recently, or socked in the stomach. Of course, the good thing is the uni will be helpful at this stage about me completing and getting my degree. I try not to think about my depleted bank balance.
It's not easy being a tortoise.
The good news and the bad news about my project
Ooops, only just seen your post Diane.
That does sound a bummer, hope it's working out
Nope, it's not working out. Going to take me another year. I'm fed up. Probably will work on the project for the next 4 months or so, maybe 5, then hand it in then head for the job-centre, agencies etc. Just work in a supermarket etc if I have to - though there's a chance I may get Supply Teacher work. I sent off for application form for part-time teaching at local FE college. The pay is atrocious - only £5.25 an hour, plus all the travelling and costs and time of preparing teaching aids. That might be ok for somone who's retired, a little bit of pocket money - but not a living wage.
So sorry it's not good news. Hope something comes along to improve matters...
Life must feel like a bit of a slog for you at the mo,but I'm sure that at the end of it you'll be so pleased that you stuck it.I do hope something turns up for you. Daft isn't it that doing something as important as teaching, you can earn less than someone doing shop work. That's not knocking shop workers, I was one myself for most of my working life.
Not any better. I saw my supervisor today. He's thinking of a time-scale of end of August till my Interim Report and end of October till my hand-in. And of course I can take longer if I need to. Till June next year in fact.
Means I won't graduate for another year. And if I get any work at all it will be at unqualified or lwer-scale pay.
The upside of course is that I will have more time to go on my little jaunts to the country.
But I'd rather than have graduated.
Oh Northerner, would it be worth a try to double up a bit and see if you by some miracle make the September graduation? You are only a month late well, maybe a little later starting in June instead of May. You've been working so hard for this, somethings got to come up to help you!
No djm, I think there's just too much of it to do. And it's not an easy project - none of the Masters are. I know some of the full-timers will be working flat-out till 4 in the morning, but I'm a poor sleeper, can't do that.
Studying at this level is a slow process. I'd hoped to get started on my application by this stage but I'm still working on my design - not far enough along with it.
Drat! Whats hard is that you will have to work at minimum wage in the meantime! Something good has to happen to you!
I'm not getting anything at all at the moment djm! I'm living off my savings just now. My appointment time with my lecturers makes it difficult to find part-time work to fit round it.
And when I do finish it may be a long time before I get anything. If ever!
It's a long time since I last worked. I used to work as a librarian - retired from it when I developed ME. Couldn't get back in again. It's forced me to retrain - the only way iI'll get a job. And now I've developed glaucoma. It's going to be dreadful finding a job with a disability.
Wow, I did wonder Northener if that was what you had. i had to give up work too because of it, and haven't been able to work since, in fact some days I have a job to even drag myself out of bed.
Well done for studying,it's not easy with this illness,I know only too well,tried to do a home computer course...wrong idea...sat staring at the keyboard trying to work out which letter was which..couldn't retain even the simplest of information!!..which is why I have probs remembering the name of plants while writing on here.
My heart goes out to you because I know hard it is,outside you look fine, but inside you feel like s..t!!I dream of the day when I can think of going back out to work again,but somehow don't think it's going to happen..In fact I'd be grateful just to be able to walk anywhere at the mo..or even go for an evening out without ending up collapsed in a heap.LOL
And to develope glaucoma too,it's not been your best time has it.Hang in there
Sue
I have quite a complicated history Sue. I DID have ME, and had to give up work. But I recoverd after several months of rest. But couldn't get back into full-time work. Only spots of part-time that weren't enough for me to live on. At this point in time I was being abused by my father at home and wasn't able to move out - or on with my life. Physical abuse that is, not sexual. I think I would have had difficulty holding down a full-time job at that period.
Eventually I became seriously ill again. It was misdiagnosed by the doctors and treated as an allergy, when in fact it was a growth, potentially life-threatening, that required surgery.
After I had surgery I started to recover. My father passed away, and I was free to re-train. No hope of returning to my old occupation really - had to look for fresh fields in a new career. And while I was re-training I developed glaucoma - which is my M.Sc is taking 3 years not 1.
I hope you recover soon from ME. A good proportion of people DO recover from ME.
You really have been through a lot Diane
I do hope things work out for you soon!!
Will you need surgery for the glaucoma now? I can see why you are depressed. Do you have any unemployment help over there or medicaid if you are too sick to work?
Hopefully I won't need surgery for the glaucoma. We do have schemes to give benefits for periods of unemplyment, but unfortunately I'm not eligible for it at the moment.
Is there nothing you can claim? the trouble is, it's very hard to find out who's eligble for what, they don't exactly make it easy to find out.
Some of my hubby's collegues say that there's millions out there waiting to be claimed, but no-one tells anyone!!...
I have friends, used to be muy next door neighbours,who lost a young son. The dad used to be his carer,after he died, he decided to retrain as a teacher,with a view to working with the less abled.
He has a wife and young family, and they've made it so hard for them,two of the children have PKU so have a special diet.
But he's stuck at it, only a while to go now.I think they've forgotton what it's like to have any money.
I'm sure you'll get there ,but I feel for you while you're struggling ,I'm sure you have friends around to lend you a shoulder ,or ear,or there's always us here.
Thank you Sue. No, I don't seem to be eligible for anything. I'm going to plug away at my project and aim to hand it in before Christmas. When it's finished I'll head for the job centre and get whatever I can find. Possibly I'll get some work as a Supply Teacher teaching English for a couple of terms.
It's putting a strain on me though. Last night I had nightmares. One stemming from the violence that I had from my father at one period. He had mental health problems at one stage and was violent for a period - I had a spot of counselling for this earlier this year but it seems to have made it worse not better. And one nightmare stemming from the bad treatment I've had at this university - they've made all sorts of mistakes regarding my disability.
Was it Eleanor Roosevelt (wife of one of our presidents) who made the remark or something in that gist, (gist? is that a word?) she said, No one can make you feel inferior unless you let them! Keep that goal you have in mind! I just wish we could reach out over the ocean and lift you over here for a few hugs!
Hugs are most welcome! I'm worried about what I'm going to do about my medical practice too. My care there now is abominable. When I had postnasal drip a few years back one of the GPs got angry with me because it didn't respond to the antihistamines that he prescribed (he diagnosed an allergy). Turned out it wasn't an allergy at all but a potentially life-threatening growth that required surgery. I wish I had a decent doctor. I'll probably try aand change my practice when I've found work - somewhere convenient for where I'm working.
Over here, people have sued for a lot less than that! Yes, you definately need a different doctor. You don't need that added to all your stress! Hopefully things will straighten out soon and I am sure you will have great delight in getting rid of that clod!
nightmares can be very real and scary things. I can wake up crying from mine.A frequent one is that I go into a room and my Mum's there,my sisters keep tryong to tell me it's a family party,but I'm yelling at them that she's dead, but no-ones taking any notice of me.Guess there's a meaning in that somewhere.
Could you go back for more councelling?sounds as if it's unfinished business.Doesn't help you with the hassle from the uni, or your doc's , you really need someone to talk to,have you got a close friend that you can let off staem to?
I'm lucky that I have good sisters around me,and my doc's been fab,he always tells me that if I need to talk that he's there for me.I wish you had support like that.I wonder if your doc's off because he feels guilty, about his mis-diagnosis?
I can't begin to feel what it must have been like having a parent with problems that led to violence.Mine weren't perfect, but they loved us, even if they couldn't show it.I didn't kiss my Mum until after she'd died, and that still haunts me,so I make sure that I kiss my kids,young and old!!
Perhaps it'd help if you kept venting your feelings on here,
peolpe on here are good at support, be it from affar.
Sue, its too bad she doesn't live in your area. It sounds like you have a great doctor.
Northerner, Sue is right. You've fought so hard for everything and you can't let it slip away now. I think the councilling idea would be helpful now since you've had such let downs, as Sue said.
I had a couple of sessions of counselling locally - but it didn't work out. The first session was fine. But at the second session she started telling me that I should forgive my father and also started criticising me for not applying for a place to get a council flat - I didn't know I would have been eligible and I would have needed counselling support and support from my medical practice anyway - which I wasn't getting. I was only going to have 3 sessions with her - that's all that was allowed - and by the third one I had too much to do back at uni starting off my project so I cancelled the third appointment. These kind of problems (abuse) are long-term and need more than 3 sessions.
My medical practice is in a hopeless mess now. One of the doctors developed health problems last year and ended up taking early retirement. So far he hasn't been replaced (we have a national shortage of GPs in this country) so they're working under-staffed now. Unfortunately he was the only doctor in the practice who was any good for me. I'm hoping that eventually he will be replaced with a doctor who is acceptable for me. If the replacement isn't acceptable then I'll be trying to switch to a different practice.
I'm surprised you didn't tell that councellor off when she had the nerve to criticize you! Let HER find you housing and other help since SHE thinks it easy! (old Bat!) (whoops, sorry Mark!)
I didn't think councellors were supposed to give opinions and other such things, let alone criticize, you must have landed a duff one there.Here's hoping that when they get their new G.P, it's someone with a bit more compassion and understanding.It's about time something went right for you.
Thank you all. I really appreciate the support here. At the weekend I was so stressed out that I took my teddy-bear to bed with me. Charlie (the bear) was a present from my mother just a week before she died - he's a little white bear with "I Love You" written on his vest.
I go out most weekends now when the weather is fine. Saturday or Sunday. This Saturday it was to Barnard Castle and Bowes Museum, about 20-30 miles north of Middlesbrough. An old market town with a historic old castle and a museum (Bowes Museum). Quite a long day but interesting! And on Sunday night I went to the local theatre.
That's really good that you are managing to find interesting things to do. It's amazing how getting involved and out there can help.
I visited Barnard Castle when staying in Durham for a geology course and found it very pleasant
Didn't go to Bowes Museum though - is that full of local stuff?
What did you see at the theatre?
I find that going for walks is a good way to combat the stress, particularly when there are things of interest to see.
Bowes Museum is excellent - well worth a visit if you're ever up here again. Not local stuff at all, but a major collection of European art. Paintings, ceramics and so on. They had a silver swan. It's a mechanical beastie, an automaton. The attendant comes round and winds it up. It stretches its neck, warbles slightly, preens itself and then it streches its neck and dips its bill into a silver stream in front of itself and brings out a silver fish in its bill!!!!! It then gulps down the little fishy! And that's it. Takes about 40 seconds. The silver fish is quite famous - Mark Twain wrote about it apparently.
http://www.bowesmuseum.org.uk/collections/swanfacts.html
Barnard Castle is quite pretty, just a shame it was cloudy.
This message was edited Monday, Jul 7th 11:28 AM
That's fascinating Diane - thanks for the link I enjoyed reading that
...and the theatre?
Ah yes. It was an evening by one of the local choral societies, the Rosedale Gilbert and Sullivan Society, that I belonged to over 20 years ago before I moved south for a number of years. It was in aid of a local hospice for children. It was staged as a tribute to Greta Cook, the founder of the choral society - she passed away last year. Must have been in her 90s I think. I knew her briefly, eccentric but a real music lover and a friendly and loving person.
Good music - shame that the audience was so elderly though. Ahead of me were rows of curly white perms.
That sounds like a very worthwhile evening.
But you'd better not let my mum hear you talking like that - she's been trying to wear her white hair straight, but has given in to having it permed again. She really resents being elderly (at 92 she's still sprightly) and pigeon holed. At least the blue rinse has died LOL (she never had one of those!!)
It was just such a shame that there weren't many young people there. How are our young people going to learn about the arts?
very true
Hmm, my Dad used to complain about the old codgers at his sheltered accommodation, but he was the oldest one there...guess you never feel old inside.
How's it going northener? the work coming along?
Guess you never feel old inside !!!!
I'm close to 60...in my mind I'm about 25....my body plays up occasionally & I don't understand why...I look in the mirror & see my mum :( ( who died a few years ago & i miss her terribly)...I do not understand why I have all these wrinkles....the person in the mirror is not me
after all I'm only 25 :)...
Oh Rosalie, to be able to say that agin. 25 was a good age for me.
Isn't it starnge how when you look in the mirror at yourself, you sometimes think is that really me? I sometimes get a real shock,because I don't think of myself as 48,(even though at times I feel 90 odd! )so I can't understand who this woman is looking at me.
Like you said ,I too sometimes see my Mum there instead,but I think of her sitting up there saying, now you know what it feels like getting older !!...
Like you said ,I too sometimes see my Mum there instead,but I think of her sitting up there saying, now you know what it feels like getting older !!... LOL
My daughters are in their thirties & I know they wish i'd act my age...no chance!!!
you carry on rosalie,life is for living.
Slowly Sue! I've started to take photos for the CD-ROM now.
We're in the middle of a heatwave - expect you have it too. Had a couple of days at the seaside, dabbled my tootsies in the sea. My face looks like a lobster - I've bought a large floppy hat to protect my face - now I look like a large animated mushroom.
I love the image northener,yes, it's a bit hot here too.I used to revel in the heat, but not so easy now.I'm sat here in my cozzy and shorts now,that's all I tend to wear in the summer ,in my back garden that is, (I put on a t-shirt to venture out the front.Don't think the world is ready for that sight yet!! LOL )
What are the photos that you're taking? sounds a bit high tec,I'm only au-fait with the real basics (and I mean basics!!..)in computing. Did try to do a home study course last year for beginners, but with this M.E. my concentration and memory are all shot away.That's my excuse anyway..LOL.
Long time since I've been to the beach, and I only live about 1 mile from it.i used to spend all my time on the beach with the kids, family had a beach hut, so we all used to gather down there,lunch, tea.It was good as all the kids used to play together.My sister has just got another one, so it'll be all the grandchildren there now, just like old times.
Wish it's rain soon, my ground is baked solid, it's like dust.I keep watering, but it barely touches anything.