Message from Wingnut

Just heard from Linda, and I know how anxious some of us have been about her. With her permission, I am sharing this with y'all.

"eyes"

I've been INCREDIBLY busy and keep forgetting to send in my membership dues for Dave's ~ I just put that on my ToDo list so it shouldn't be long. We've been planning and building and figuring and all sorts of stuff in preparation for all the work we'll be doing this spring (doing some of it now). Like electricity where the new house will be ~ we just spent $7,000 yesterday on redoing ALL the electricity out here. ACK!!! But we needed it SO bad ~ don't want to burn the barn down. So figured we'd get a GOOD electrician, pay for all the top notch boxes and wires and just re-do ALL the "feed" lines and breaker boxes all over, adding a couple, too. Spending that kind of money is scary, but I know it'll be cheaper than insurance or rebuilding the barn (or our HOUSE! For that matter, it's also cheaper than a couple funerals! )

Les is getting a little better lately ~ not really any better at walking, but he's in less pain now. We had been kicking the doctor appointments in high gear and of course I drove him and Mom to all of them. I think the docs at the VA have been helping him. We've been cleaning up the barn house Kenny and I lived in in preparation for rebuilding the inside for them ~ we'll pour a cement floor throughout the whole thing to make it all one level, build a better bathroom complete with handicapped shower and toilet and handrails all over the place, nice WIDE doorways, knocking down a wall or two to make it all more open and easier to get around in, LOTS of windows in their bedroom so Les can look outside when he's having bad days (we'll put cattle feeders, bird feeders and flowers outside those windows to give him something cool to watch ~ maybe even a goat pen close by ~ they're really entertaining). That'll make it easier on both him AND Mom ~ she's slowing down a bit lately, too, bless her heart.

Kenny's still about the same, though getting better now. We think we've finally figured out what's causing all his intestinal upset. Generalized Anxiety Disorder ~ severe panic attacks. I'd known that he'd been abused by his stepfather when he was quite young, but he finally really opened up and I found out that the abuse was worse than he at first let on and went on for a lot longer (from about the age of three to eleven). And it's still with him. I think we've finally hit on a good treatment that will help him ~ together we've figured out that every time that "negative voice" in his head starts talking, it's really Tom, his stepfather ~ so what better way for a former bar brawler to deal with it than to visualize punching his lights out? And it's working! Just hit on that one a few days ago. He already seems a LOT more calm, less potty problems, etc. We're still not all the way over it, but we can sure see the light at the end of the tunnel and we KNOW this one's NOT a train. He's on medication 'til we can get a handle on it and he can break those bad habits of talking down to himself. One day, with the help of a therapist, we hope he can get off that medication. But if not, he says he doesn't care ~ he'll take it the rest of his life if he has to to keep from being the incredibly depressed person with the hair-trigger temper he was before at times. The medication is called Effexor and it doesn't do anything to his head except keep him calm. Really wild ~ no rumdum-ness, drugged out feelings or anything like that ~ just calms the storms. I want to find the scientist that came up with it and kiss him.

Dealing with this and helping Kenny has taken up most all of my time ~ I tend to forget about everything else lately. The only time I get on the computer is when his brother Ed is over. And when I do get on the computer, I haven't much felt like talking to anyone else so do mainly News surfing, looking at pictures of gorgeous gardens, learning about cut flower growing, and such. Ed and Kenny are really cousins, but they're SO close and grew up practically as brothers ~ are closer than Kenny and his younger half-brother by far. Kenny used to spend many a night at Ed's house to escape Tom's wrath. I shudder at the thought that Ed was that close to Kenny the whole time but never really knew the depth of the abuse Kenny was getting. But Kenny wouldn't tell. He's been keeping this inside all this time, well over 40 years, even from people who love him so much ~ just bottling it up, packing it down. I can't say how glad I am that he's telling now. Ed knows how to help him feel better, too, and has been coming over a lot lately, thank God.

Anyway, I asked Kenny if it would be okay if you wanted to post about this on Dave's and he said yes, it was completely fine, especially if it would help someone else who's dealing with the same thing. He's so excited that we've figured out a lot of his problem! He said he's had atleast a dozen panic attacks a DAY for his entire life, except those teenage days and early twenties days when he'd just stay pickled to avoid it. Now he's already had atleast two days without even ONE attack! If you do post about this, then when I get back on Dave's I'll find the thread and post a couple VERY informative and helpful websites I found that sure helped us diagnose this and deal with it.

Love and Hugs,
Linda