My next door neighbors hung himself in a pinetree in his backyard this morning and I feel like I need to go see his wife but I don't know what to say. They have lived here about 2 years and we didn't really know them; only spoke in passing when seeing them outside in the yard. What do I do or say?? Friday morning is one morning I am glad I got to bed before sunup. I can't imagine having to see that out my window and I can't even begin to imagine how she felt finding the note and then finding him swinging from a tree limb. Please give me some ideas. I need to do something for her.
OT Important I need some thoughts
Oh, that is terrible. I think if you just go to her, give her a hug and hold her, you really don't have to say anything. Just "be there". I wouldn't tell her,"let me know if there is anything I can do for you", ask her, "WHAT can I do for you?" Does she have family close by? I'm sure she would appreciate meals if there is family coming in. Pets? Maybe you could walk the dog, or do something that she is just not going to be able to do. Maybe even walk the dog with her. I think just being there and letting her know you care is important. So many of us think we have to "say" something when we really don't, our presence there just to let her know she is not alone is what matters. Just my opinion. My thoughts are with her and you today.
I think Anna has said it very well.
I would probably bake a cassarole,or some sweets and take them over,not that she'll feel like eating but there will be food for her to offer other people...
Its a terrible thing.a freind of mines husband hung himself in there attic......Its not something anyone should go through......
Donna B, excellent advice above. i cannot even imagine the horror.
way off topic but wanted to tell you that the hummmingbird bander is coming monday to band my winter hummers.
how exciting Arlene!!!
Donna, Never say to them: "I know how you feel"...because no one ever does till you actually have been down that road..just offer yourself..if she kind of resists the offer..leave her to heal on her own.So Many People mean well..but in trying to impose their kindness on another it actually worsens the situation. Been there ..know this. Just my opinion. :-)
I agree, just be there, nothing really has to be said, the funny thing is that people always repeat the samething over and over, and you don't really remember what it is said anyway or even who has been there for the most part, shock I guess. The ones that stick out are the off the wall ones, the ones that ask what happened? Then stand there waiting for a gross description. I can't imagine what she must be going through, don't want to know, loss of loved ones is always hard, but this.. Good Luck, you are a wonderful person for wanting to be there.
Donna,
My brother in law hung himself 5 years ago. Suicide is extremely hard on the survivors and I know his wife is going through hell. In a couple of weeks when everyone else goes back to their lives just be there for her. She'll probably isolate herself for a period of time so your smile and wave might be the only contact she has. Maybe just leave a flower on her step or weed a flower bed for her. She'll notice your kindness and who knows, the two of you might end up being great friends. If she'll be living alone she might be scared at night. Maybe write your phone number down for her in case she wakes up frightened. I'll keep her and you in my prayers. Sometimes we don't know what to say but our presence says it all.
Suicide is always hard..I have had 3 people I know kill themselves.The first thing everyone says is"What were they thinking!".. Never EVER ask that.. no one is sure till you have been near suicide yourself....its not a long planned thing..can happen in an afternoon.Mostly caused by dramatic life change or depression.
Thanks for the advice everyone. Someone arrived around 4 a.m. so she has some family here now. I will go over tomorrow with some food.