No, this doesn't describe me! :)

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hczone6 Zone 6, OH(Zone 6a) Apr 01, 2002

Fake, of course...but funny...

Man Bitten By Radioactive Sloth Does The Lying-Around-All-Day Of 10 Normal Men

CENTRAL CITY—Laboratory assistant Brent Barker, bitten by a radioactive sloth last week in a freak lab accident, now possesses the relative loafing powers of 10 men. "Could someone pass me some more crackers?" asked the media-dubbed "Crimson Lump," speaking from his titanium sofa, the only known object that can withstand his superhuman lethargy. "I can't reach them from here." Scientists are likewise baffled at Barker's uncanny ability to remain motionless while watching amounts of television that would kill an ordinary mortal.

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