A husband and wife were driving home at 50 mile per hour in there brand new Mercedes, they had been on a break for the weekend, this was to celebrate fifteen years of marriage.
Half way home the wife turned to the husband and said, I want a divorce, she looked at the husband who said nothing, the car speed increased to 55 miles per hour.
The wife then said I have been having an affaire for the last three years, still the husband said nothing.
The wife said I have been having an affaire with your best friend, she looked at the husband who still said nothing, the speed increased to 60 miles per hour.
The wife then said, I want the kids and the house, still the husband said nothing.
The wife then said, as well as the kids and the house I want the bank account too, she looked at the husband who still said nothing, the speed increased to 65 mile per hour.
The wife thought this is strange, maybe she could get more, so she said, as well as the kids and the house and the bank account, I want the car too, she looked at the husband, still he said nothing, but he gripped the steering wheel tightly and curled his bottom lip, the speed increased to 70 miles per hour.
The wife was a bit bemused by the husbands silence so she said, I have told you I want a divorce, I have been sleeping with your best friend, I want the kid, the house, the bank account and the car, and you have said nothing, what about you she said, is there something you want, the husband smiled and said no, I have everything I need right here, and the speed increased to 80 miles per hour.
The wife was surprised by the husbands answer, and began to think that she had missed something important, after thinking for several minutes, she said, oh, what do you have then that I have forgotten about, the husband smiled to the wife, and said “the air bag” and crashed the car.
Alan.
A little " Humour"
Not bad Alan, but still prefer the one Pebbles sent me. Thought you might have commented on it. I thought it was hilarious!!!
There were 40 ex Clinton aides standing outside the Pearly Gates. St Peter said, "What do you want?". They said, We want to come in. St Peter said "I'll have to ask God first before I can let you in." He went to see God, and said, "God, there are 40 ex Clinton aides at the door of the Pearly Gates and they want in." God said,"No, that's too many. Only 5 at a time." St Peter went back to tell them. A few minutes later, he came running back, "God, God! they're gone!! God said, Who's gone? the 40 ex Clinton aides? St Peter said, No! the Pearly Gates!
HA, like it.
Alan.
I'm a little worried 'cos it may be that the jokes we tell reveal too much about our personalities. However.......
A grandfather was watching his grandson in the garden playing with a worm. The boy was pulling it, stretching it and teasing it out of its hole. Finally it popped out of the ground and the boy held it in the air in triumph.
Grandfather went out and said :
"I'll tell you what Johnny, I'll give you 50 pence if you can get that worm back in that hole"
The boy thought for a moment and then ran inside the house. A couple of moments later he came out with a can of hairspray, sprayed the worm which went stiff as a board and then poked it back into the hole.
Grandfather shook his head, said "you clever little monkey!" and handed over the 50 pence.
Next morning Grandmother came out and gave the boy 10 pounds.
:) :) :)
Jo
HAHAHAHAHA, Jo, your screen is starting to crumble, very good.