Diet

Lord my soul is sipped with riot,
Incited by wicked diet!
"You are what you eat!" Said a wise old man.
And Lord, if it's true, then I'm a garbage can.

Give me this day my daily slice,
But cut it thin and toast it twice,
I pray each night with heavy prayers,
Deliver me from chocolate éclairs.

And when my days of trial are done,
And my war with malted milk is won,
Let me stand so proud with the saints in Heaven,
In a shiny robe, size 6 or 7.

I can do it Lord, if you'll show to me,
The virtues of lettuce and celery
If you'll teach me the evil of mayonnaise,
The sinfulness of hollandaise

And crisp fried chicken from down South,
Lord, if you love me SHUT MY MOUTH!