ENGLISH 101- HISTORY 101

TO FOLLOW. If I had known then what I know now I would have had a good answer to the teacher when she asked,[ James, are you ever going to understand the English language.] The answer is no, or was that know. I still don't know or was that no.


This little treatise on the lovely language we share
> is only for the brave.
>
> It was passed on by a linguist, original author
> unknown. Peruse at your
> leisure, English lovers.
>
> Reasons why the English language is so hard to
> learn:
>
> 1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
> 2) The farm was used to produce produce.
> 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more
> refuse.
> 4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
> 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
> 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the
> desert.
> 7) Since there is no time like the present, he
> thought it was time to
> present the present.
> 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
> 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
> 10) I did not object to the object.
> 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
> 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to
> row.
> 13) They were too close to the door to close it.
> 14) The buck does funny things when the does are
> present.
> 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer
> line.
> 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow
> to sow.
> 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
> 18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
> 19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a
> tear.
> 20) I had to subject the subject to a series of
> tests.
> 21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate
> friend?
>
> Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There
> is no egg in eggplant
> nor
> ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in
> pineapple. English muffins
> weren't invented in England or French fries in
> France. Sweetmeats are
> candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are
> meat.
>
> We take English for granted. But if we explore its
> paradoxes, we find that
> quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square
> and a guinea pig is
> neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
>
> And why is it that writers write but fingers don't
> fing, grocers don't
> groce and hammers don't ham?
>
> If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the
> plural of booth beeth?
>
> One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
>
> One index, 2 indices?
>
> Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but
> not one amend. If you
> have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but
> one of them, what do
> you call it?
>
> If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
>
> If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a
> humanitarian eat?
>
> Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be
> committed to an asylum
>
> for the verbally insane. In what language do people
> recite at a play and
> play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by
> ship? Have noses that
> run
> and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat
> chance be the same,
> while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
>
> You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a
> language in which your house
> can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a
> form by filling it out
>
> and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
>
> English was invented by people, not computers, and
> it reflects the
> creativity of the human race, which, of course, is
> not a race at all.
>
> That is why, when the stars are out, they are
> visible, but when the lights
> are out, they are invisible.
>
> PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"


And I added this one
If muly is spelled M U L Y what does J U L Y spells.
July the month after June.