Anyone else get depressed over the hoidays or am I alone?
holidays
Not lately, but when I was younger, it was a terrible problem for me. The research on seasonal affective disorder was interesting to me, because I had used some of the tricks with light before it was researched. I'm not sure there is any one good answer or remedy, but my mantra became "this, too, shall pass". It helped some years to be among friends, just acting as if I wasn't sad, and other years, I seemed to need to sleep an unbelievable amount. I think some of the dietary supplements also helped, and I would not want to be without Siberian ginseng during this period. It seems to help me remain hopeful. The feeling of hopelessness and being out of control of my life was at times crushing. You would think going through cancer therapy and all the accompanying maladies would make me depressed, but I credit ginseng with keeping my attitude more positive than years ago when I didn't have major health concerns. I think this problem of holiday blues is widespread, and has many causes. Once I accepted the idea that the season didn't have to be any more perfect than any other day, and realized that there will always be certain flaws, it was easier to keep things in perspective. If you get to feeling rotten, e-mail me, and I will understand. I live alone, and spend most of my time alone.
Thanks Aimee. I could go to my kids for Thanksgiving but I have been on the road so long this year I decided to try to stay home and get a little done this week before I have to go again. All the restaurants are closed here-we live on a mountain in a tiny town so I went and got some things for lunch a little-the only uther place is a store that sells subs-I went there last year. I could go to the SA for lunch but I can affore my lunch and would feel funny going there even though I run a SA service unit and have for twenty years.So many people are alone at the holidays.The church used to take fruit baskets out to the people who lived alone but they dont even do that anymore. We seem to be so busy anymore we dont really have time for other people. I remember a time when everyone knew everyone for miles around and looked in on those who were alone-not anymore. I could die here in my house and the neighbors would never know it. I fll in the yard last year in a blizzard with forty degree below WC and laid there for ten minutes bbefore I could get back up-noone would even see me.Do you have neighbors anywhere near?
You know what, Marclay? I'd go to the SA, anyway. I used to work for our local SA and I can tell you there were people there who had the means to buy a dinner, but no one to enjoy it with. And they were every bit as welcome as those who were experiencing financial hardship. Be with people and brighten your day, my friend! :o) ((( HUGS )))
No one who could see me in the pasture if I fell down! Unfortunately, Georgetown has always been a snooty little town, and most of the people here are prone to judge you by the car you drive, if you go to the right functions wearing the right thing, if you're kin to the right people. If you have or appear to have money, you are given a false approval, but you're then likely to be used. If, like me, you don't have it and don't care about pretending, you will never be really accepted by the locals. I knew that long before I moved here, but I do love where I live. I'm on acreage on the edge of town, along a state highway that runs through the middle of town. I'm surrounded by hypocrites, and they really barely know I'm here. I have no interest in going to their churches, and I don't make any attempt to join their clubs or groups. They all talk a good "Christian" game, throw in a lot of hail Marys and such, but it's all phony. They all assure you that their group is not like that, then proceed to prove they are. Town is mostly run by a tight little group, with whom I've found no common ground. I don't like a lot of people intruding into my solitude, anyway. The price of all this peace is that if I fell, the fire ants would eat me before even the buzzards found me. I even keep my highway gate locked most of the time. But I do have kids who would eventually check on me, and I can call them if I really need anything. When I chance to go downtown, I relate to people on the most superficial level, because I just have no patience with the games most people play in order to feed their egos. I am not antisocial, but I'm also not one to join a lot of things for the sake of activity. One winter, one of the people who lives on property behind me, and who is extremely wealthy, was building a new house when we had a sudden unexpected freeze. The woman is in her 80s, has lived here most of her life. We had never spoken, although I had seen her husband in the store and had been introduced to him. She called me and asked if I by any chance had any space heaters she could use to keep her slab from freezing. I rounded up some. That was the only kind of heat I did have! Her son-in-law came by and picked them up, and was nice enough. I had traded at his gas station down the highway, and we knew each other by that. A week or so later, I found the heaters sitting on the highway next to the open gate! Not once did she ever call and thank me. Recently I called her to tell her one of their cows was in my pasture, and she acted like I was from Mars. It's a common attitude here, and I don't bother myself with the locals for that reason. If I required a busy social life, I couldn't live here like this. But too many people in and out makes me irritable. I guess after seven kids of my own and five siblings growing up, I need time and space. I do understand that I'm not "normal" and totally sympathize with people who get lonely. I just don't experience that feeling often. I enjoy a few good friends that I see occasionally, like every few years.
Aimee, You don't have to live in a small town to find the kind of people you describe. They really are everywhere. Usually though you find that somewhere along the way there are some really kind and caring people out there. Sometimes you really have to look but they do turn up. The people you see with friends and family are sometims the lonliest of all. The holidays are a hard time for alot of people. I sure wish you lived close I would pick you up and have you here, I would be honored.....Marclay you too! I would head for the SA. Have a good dinner and maybe you will be suprised! Meems
Well, Meems, I just might let you! I will probably go with my son and daughter-in-law to her sister's sister-in-law's house in South Austin. Throughout my sickness and recovery, DIL's sister made soup for me, her mother and father sent me needed gifts like a footstool when I couldn't climb into my tall bed with the incision so fresh, and in general they looked out for me and said prayers for me and always asked about me after DIL took me for labs, etc. Another of her sisters sent me a small suitcase to keep packed because I kept having to go to the hospital unexpectedly. Those people will all be there, and I want to see them all together and thank them with big hugs. My own children are pretty scattered this year, and only that son will be in a situation that I can attend. Too hard to travel even now. I dropped my contribution into the supermarket food barrel for people needing help, because my hosts wouldn't feel right about me bringing anything, and I will just show up with some relish I bought at the junior league affair. It's more about the people, not the food, and I have seen times when the kids and I didn't have a single traditional dish and had a grand time. But I will be thinking about all of my friends on DG, too. And I will probably take a few seeds to slip into the flower beds so they will have a surprise next spring. Think red poppies is about right. I don't expect to be gone late, so will be on here in mid afternoon, probably.
Well Aimee I hope you have a good day with family. I wasnt up when my phone started ringing with invitations for lunch and dinner too. Just about the time your think everyone has forgotten you realize that there are good people ut there who do care. Last night an old friend cme with home made soup and a fresh baked pumpkin pie. And in and hour I am going and marrying a middle aged lady and her boyfriend who has had a terrible life-what a glad thing to do on thanksgiving. I remember one Christmas Day when we had twelve at table and my husband was out of work and a neighbor brought a leg of venison from her freezer and we had groundhog and squirrell. But we were happy.
Aimee, We have a town here that is considered to be a lot like what you say. But I think if you look past some of the people that stand out and seem to be that way you will find a lot of good people. In fact I think most people are good you just have to get to know them. I think we pay to much attenion to the news and TV, hearing all the bad about people you don't get the other side which I think is the majority. People are good and I think we have seen that with 9-11-01, and all the people that were there to help. And New York is supposed to be one of the worst places for people like that mention above.
GH, I wish it were true that the majority of our people are good, but I have to tell you that this is one town that takes pride in its closed mindedness. For almost a hundred years, no new people moved here, and it just became more that way as the rich got richer and the poor got poorer. The owners of the local weekly paper and a radio station actually told a reporter they hired from outside the community, that he was not to report anything negative about the sheriff, their friend. This is the home of the oldest university and much is made of that by the elite. Lip service is paid to friendliness, but you soon find it to be pseudofriendly. For instance, no one ever actually goes out to see if a poor family needs anything. Instead, they talk about them and report them to authorities who then investigate to see if they can justify their jobs by taking away the kids or arresting someone. If that doesn't seem to be the best course of action, a bunch of high society people will take a virtually useless bunch of old clothes and poorly chosen food to the family, and present it as if it's pure gold. Never mind that no one fits or needs the items. I've observed some of these deeds. A 38 year old woman struggling with three kids, one of whom was afflicted with cerebral palsy, came to the attention of some town people. They brought the kids candy and old toys, and took the woman to the store. Good, right? Well, the woman has a degree in engineering, as did her husband, but his battle with cancer left them at rock bottom. But she retained her dignity as best she could. She lost her job because she had to take off three weeks to be with the devastated children just before and after his death. Then she began to have stress related problems and found it difficult to look for a job. It was a vicious circle. By the time the locals got involved, one child had been in trouble at school because of other children repeating criticism they heard in their homes. The gentry who took her shopping insisted on talking to her as if she was retarded, and advised her on what to buy and not to buy for her family, meaning no perishable foods, just starchy and canned items. The woman tried to discuss a short term loan with her bank, so she could get her family into a more stable frame of mind and herself back to work. It was denied, of course, because she was unemployed. She borrowed on her own life insurance, since her husband's had been eaten up with medical bills. The son who was in trouble for fighting at school was removed from her care, and then the other two children were placed under court supervision in separate foster homes where she could visit by appointment, because the women who took her shopping reported that she lacked the skills and motivation to care for them. This took place over about a three year period, and ended up with her spending her very last dime to hire an attorney to get her children back. She was required to first attend the parenting classes intended for people who have neglected or abused their children, and she had to pay the county for the classes because she wasn't poor enough to qualify for the free status. Read, she still owned her home. When she applied for a job, it was a matter of court record that she had been under supervision, and the impression was left that she was mentally ill and unstable. Defeated everywhere she turned, she sold her house and moved out of state. Her church had not visited during the long illness, no one offered to help her get the children to church, no one offered to prepare a meal so she could rest. But they did visit when the house became available, and offered her a disgustingly low price for a quick sale. She became very unpopular when she politely declined. The church dropped her like a hot potato, didn't even mail the children notices about summer activities. Some of this is changing gradually because of a new Del Webb Sun City and an influx of people involved with electronics. But the hold a small group of people had for a century, passed down as in a caste system, still prevails in many critical areas. The poorest fare okay, as they are the vehicle by which the elite boost their egos, but anyone else might as well be from Mars. If they can kiss enough posteriors for long enough, they will gain a grudging acceptance, but are always reminded in subtle ways that they are at the mercy of the natives. Patronizing friendship isn't friendliness. I have watched this for almost 40 years, in total amazement. So you come here and mix and mingle all you wish, and you can hang around the fringes of society as long as no one in power decides to diss you. Be of service and they will let you forever serve them. Attend church and they will allow you to pray with them. Just don't pay any attention to the little slights, because they will always be there. No, GH, going out to meet the locals can leave you with a strange feeling of having the tables turned on you, but you will not find true warmth. The story above is not unusual, but I knew the children and their parents, and I watched what transpired and became aware that others were in the same boat. The song, Town Without Pity, comes to mind. Let me hasten to assure you that I have a few friends here, but they are newcomers, having arrived in the last 50 years. Most of them keep trying to be accepted by volunteering and mixing, but the core group remains a little aloof. Just a little. I am most comfortable with people who don't ever get their names in the society page at the paper or star in a play at the local historic theater or plan the parades and decide which child will be in the manger scene. We already know who will be there, qualified or not. We visit informally, don't ever ask each other if we really know Christ or if we're sure we're saved. We, my friends and I, can call each other and borrow a cup of flour without reciting our heritage. Heck we don't even know it to recite! But there are so few of us.
Soumds likea hundred other towns Ive been in in Appalachia.Anyone coming in in less than 80 years are still newcomers and not accepted.It is good to have a few good friends sometimes rayther than a lots of just acquaintances.
My sentiments exactly, Marclay. In high school, it matters big time if we are "popular", but as adults we realize a true friend is a treasure and not easily found. And it's a two way street, having one, being one.
I know exactly what you are talking about Aimee. However I have decided to ignore those who have their heads up in the clouds. I have found that some people I thought were stuck up were just busy people, maybe a little shy who werent good at going up and making new friends. I changed my way of thinking. I feel like Im just as good as they are. I am down to earth. I treat people the same. I dont care how much money they have, what church they attend, or where their kid goes to college. I find when I am myself most people like me. They realize I may be a little different. I dont make airs about myself. I dress the way I want to.
I used to let hyprocrits keep me out of church, years ago. Then I learned that church isnt a shrine for saints. It is a hospital for sick people. We all are sinners. We all need the Lord. He can work on people's hearts. Maybe you can try to pray for these people. It may change the way you feel about them. I go to church because I want to now. I realize I cant let other people dictate what I do. Life is too short. In order to make friends, you gotta be one. I dont mean try and buy friendship, act like other people even if Im not like them, or try to impress anyone. Im not saying you are doing that by the way... I found this little saying somewhere...I really like it. I gave it to my daughter. She is ten. It says "people laugh at me cause Im not like them, I laugh at them because they are all the same!!" Just be yourself. People will like you for who you are. Dont agree just to agree. Dont bite your tongue if you dont agree. Be aware of the way we present ourselves..and what we say, and how it may seem. Im not saying second guess yourself. Im just saying if you dont agree ....dont jump down somebody's throat. Just present your side calmly, and cooly. I still have to work on that one...lol. I guess Ive always been a rebel in a way.
I enjoy being different. I think people like being around me because I am just "myself". God helped me with my self esteem. I am much better than I was. I used to have a chip on my shoulder because of my childhood. Now, Im not saying Im blind to what is going on. My kids are dealing with what you say as we speak. However I can help them. I wish I would of known all this sooner. Id of been much happier growing up.
Amen to that, Kelly. I really am quite happy with the status quo, and I certainly don't get bored. Seems I have my hands full just getting through each day, and never get done all I put on my list. Work, or activity, does expand to fill the available time. When the kids were small, I thought someday they would be grown or older and I would finally get to read and garden to my heart's content. It didn't happen, I still fill each day and have to make myself sit down and take time out to read. I have always been sort of marching to the beat of a different tom-tom, too.
sad thing is that your town sounds like almost every church within 30 miles of us. I know, we've tried them all. So sad.
And it started with 'are we lonely at the holidays'. Well, I'm not a bit lonely until they get here and sit down to eat. My family has absolutely nothing in common, I'd much rather it just be my DH and I and my daughter and her family. The feeling lingers until we get ready to come together again, and I get excited about 'family' and all that comes with that word. But it always winds up the same.
That is sad, tiG. Have you tried various denominations and non-denominational churches?
I think that is not uncommon. For many years, I thought it was my family alone, but I watched and gradually realized wherein lies the problem. We build up these family things, and in our minds, everyone will be cheerful and lovely and kind. These are the same people we know all year, with all their warts intact. If anything, the stress and strain of the holidays will make their bad traits worse. Face it, the exception, not the rule, is the family that likes each other as friends. There will always be sibling rivalry, even though the siblings are grown. In-laws will always be who they are, as will parents and offspring. The trick is to realize that and be prepared so we aren't disappointed when Sis makes a catty remark about the decorations, or Mom shows favoritism, or Uncle Bill shows up inebriated and insults all the women. Every holiday season, people end up with hurt feelings or anger, largely because of high expectations. If your family is the rare exception, you are blessed, but you should not feel bad when they aren't. You have only to read Ann Landers and her sister Abby to know this is normal. There will always be greedy people, lazy people, deceitful people, vain people, insensitive people, hypersensitive people, and on and on ad infinitum. The true joy is to see those we love throughout the year, in good and bad times, and work with whatever is there in a supportive way. Nowhere is it written that we will love all who share our blood, but we have a need to have contact with family, so we must accept it and them as they are in real life, not expecting to have a tv family.
Amen Aimee
Clarification: A 1950's TV family. LOL ;o) I know what you mean. When I was a teenager, I used to fly to Illinois in the summer to visit my dad and every time I would have it in my head that things would be different, but they never were. It's easy to romanticize things when you're away from them, and hard to face reality when it smacks ya in the face. So...A lot of times it's easier to enjoy the company of one's friends, because those are the relationships one chooses to have - family's there whether one chose them or not! ;o)
The holidays have always been tough for me. I have cried at Christmas for as long as I can remember.......don't know why. Now that I'm older I cry because it brings back memories of the past that hurt and I feel alone because most of my family is in Germany and my mom lives 8 hours away here in the states. Not having money, I only see her maybe once a year. Makes it tough. The thought of having lost a child lingers and makes holidays really hard for me.
I know what you're talking about Aimee, about it being hard making friends at this age. I have lived in this town for 10 years now and I have no friends. I have a few acquaintances but those are only a few. I am very happy to have met GW and hope it can develop into a friendship. I am so hoping to have a friend.
Flowox
I would love to be your friend. I think you are a special person. I just lurk around here(gw) and read and can tell that just read'g your posts. I have just started posting I've been scared that what I have to say wouldn't be interesting to anyone, but have just decided to jump in and see.
Ruth
Ruth, thank you so much and don't worry about anyone thinking what you have to post is not interesting, you may be surprised. I've had a few posts where no one had anything to say but that's the way it goes. I would love to have you as a friend :o)
E-mail me!!
Susan
Thinking about all of you as I start off again this week on my travels Shirley
Okay, sweetie, you be careful, you hear? I know everyone will be thinking of you, and wishing you a safe journey with plenty of smiles along the way. If you don't get a hug when you need it, just ask for it!
oooooooo poor babies,,,,,and here I sit feeling the same
way sometimes,,, i hope you have a wonderful CHRISTMAS.
This i worked so hard making my crafts like the last 5 years,,,,It's the way I make my christmas money as well
as not worring about food and shelter throught winter
well this I the first year I barley broke even on the money we spent to make my things.....My craft show was bad an then I Tried 2 more show and i finally got the money I HAD
spent back,,,,,,but I did'nt sell all .......needless to
say it has made me very depressed...I think being disabled
is the hard at CHRISTMAS,,,,but look at it this way if Santa
flys over i will throw you guys a beautiful snowman in his
sleight to deliver to u.....[[[[[[nana]]]]]] or if u come my way.........come an get it,,,,lol