I never liked the 4th of July...when he died on this day, I had a reason to dislike it. I never want to forget my kitty, he took a large piece of my heart with him when he left. I knew he would. I have lost cats before since I have had many throughout my life. But there has never been one that was so ingrained in my heart. I lost my kitty, Megan when Horsie was a kitten, and I remember vividly having a conversation with him when she was gone, that I would love him, but it would be impossible to love him, as much as I had loved Meg....he just blinked at me...I think he knew.
I think he knew that he was going to leave me. He was never a real affectionate cat...(unless we were at the Vet, he became a real cuddler there...I think he was afraid I was going to leave him, with those strangers) but a couple of weeks before he died, he was very clingy, which was unlike him. How did he know?
After he died, I told a friend that I loved him like a child. And she said, "No, he was like a Prince, a child, you have to worry about teaching them how to be a good person, a cat, is different...you just have to spoil them" okay, he was a Prince.
I have Corky now, the cat that was rescued, on the day that Horsie died. And I love him, more every day. But it is different. Another person told me: "I once had a cat from another planet, and when he left, and I got another cat, it was just a cat" Horsie had a different spark..I have no idea how to explain it, he just did.
I planted a garden on his grave and it has become rampant...I need to cut the plants back, to make it tidier, or do I? Tomorrow I am going to buy another plant for him...the garden is right by a rose in a pot, that was one of his favorite sleeping spots.
Some cats become Pets Forum cats, for everyone. I feel special toward Huck, and Daisy and so many others, remember Lionel? I adored him and never met him face to face. I have heard from so many people who told me that Horsie was very special to them. I used to tell him that he had quite a fan club that consisted of many Aunts and Uncles...I think he accepted that, as his due.
I miss him. More at times, but I am able to smile now at the memories and to talk about him without tearing up...but today...my eyes are full of tears...as long as he is in my heart, he is not really gone, right?
