I'm sure this one has made the rounds before, but it brings a laugh:
GOD: Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles.
St. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.
GOD: Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.
GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?
ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
ST. FRANCIS: No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away..
GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.
GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.
ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life.
ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.
GOD: No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?
ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.
GOD: And where do they get this mulch?
ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
GOD: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?
ST. CATHERINE: 'Dumb and Dumber', Lord.. It's a story about....
GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.
Friday Funny - God and the Suburbanites
Love it! :D
I would so like to eliminate the lawn - at least in the front yard. Just beds of trees and flowers - that would be so pretty and make so much more sense.
In the back, I wouldn't mind having grass growing in between the beds, just as a clean ground-cover. But it would make more sense to put a few inches of gravel everywhere that isn't a bed and then let the grass take over wherever it wants to. At least then, I could go out and walk around after a rain without sinking ankle-deep in squishy mud.
We are in the process of converting our whole front yard to mulch paths and flower beds.
It will be a long slow process since we live in a corner lot, but I am really excited about the possibilities.
We are covering the grass with newspaper and putting mulch on top, it works great.
I am planning to use 100% Texas native plants, so far I have one oval bed mulched and am working on the wraparound bed by the curb, I am making that one 5 feet wide, so I can reach from either side and keep it neat. Nothing planted yet, have to let the grass decompose first.
But you know? these rains have been keeping me away from the job, oh boy, what a problem!!!
Josephine.
Yep....that is so true! At least a few of us are getting a little wiser in some things. LOL!
Good to hear that one again. I wonder how much more water a lawn needs compared to a garden...well I guess compared to a xeriscaped it is alot. It was a big eyeopener that summer we had daily rain in May and June. Water bill was a lot less.
Have you ever wondered if a large garden might frighten a potential buyer away? My husband thinks our big garden would be a liability.
I am sure it would keep some people away, but at this point in our lives we are not concerned about it.
We just want to do something really neat, and we hope to accomplish it.
I am sure it will be wonderful. Probably if I trimmed my plants more, it would look much more tidy.
My lawn is tidy...but the flower beds are a whole different story.