General Discussion & Chat: If you could have one wish...., 0 by Depsi

Depsi wrote:
as I read thru these postings I cried and cried......we all yearn for something, something that will validate our struggle on this earth.... Liz, Martha, Pirl, especially Dwerland, you each touched my heart, White Hydrangea.....I want both my parents back, I was Daddy's Little Girl, I thought forever 'cept I decided to get a divorce after 14yrs with a lying who couldn't hold a job....Daddy wouldn't accept it, His family didn't divorce, suddenly I was a "Whore, Tramp, Lazy" just on & on so we didn't speak starting from July 4th (this day) 1981 until he suddenly died of a heart attack on 11/8/81....no time to say I'm sorry, no time to tell him I loved him more than life itself.....My "wonderful" Mom told me he died from the stress I had him in.....to this day I'm still in therapy trying to sort out my anger issues.....anyway, after Daddy died I took over his place with my Mom and we actually did become best friends, I held her in my arms as she died.....I belong to NOSDA because of that experience....see: I'm still trying to make it up to them in alot of ways......Dwerland, I've been married for 32yrs to the meanest, most arrogant, selfish, narcsisstic, spoiled, hurtful man you could ever meet......BUT if you met him you'd think he was the greatest guy on Earth.....He's retired from Sacramento City Police Dept so some of it is his profession....the first 4yrs of our marriage he lived in the SanFrancisco Bay area while I lived in Sac, then he came to Sac and worked nights while I worked days so we never really spent much time together until 8 yrs ago when we both retired......I knew how he was but I actually believed that once he retired we'd be fine, he'll chill out, he'd love me again, he'd be the fun, laughing guy I married....well, guess what??? He's angry, grumpy, hateful, mean and horrible to live with....SOOOOO, I thought I'll get a divorce, found out I wouldn't qualify for his City Retirement due to marrying him after it was locked in, I wouldn't get health insurance unless I can prove I'm disabled and can't work to support myself, anyway by the time the lawyer was thru I was devastated.....plus we live in a very economically depressed area so if we had to start splitting things up we'd have pennies on the dollar as well as homes in our price range are not selling here.....so I'm stuck, I live in my sewing room, sleep here too.....I believe with my whole heart that's why I have the health issues I have, Stress !!!! so anyway, I'm writing a book 'cause I'm so lonely, hurt and sick and I need to tell someone, I guess......my wish would be for freedom & happiness....but I understand until I find it inside myself I can wish til my hands fill up, it'll never come..... I hope each of your wishes have been answered.....